07/24/2022

Trying so hard not to let the stupid little shit bother me. The intercultural interactions that leave me feeling without armor and completely judged.

Today at Tugboat Taisho, Gai and Rio were playing around in an area where no one else was. On multiple occasions, various staff members gave a look that I can only equate as meaning ‘what the fuck are you doing?’ ….. but non-confrontational as the Japanese are, they (in my mind) didn’t have the common courtesy to make their feelings known, instead waited for us to pick up on some nonverbal cue.

I really have to sort out a game plan for how to respond to these situations, because they are only going to increase over the future.

Other than that small moment, which sent me in a tizzy for the rest of the day, today was a fun day with Gai and Rio. It felt so rewarding to have a young child to talk to and not worry about their parents judging me for speaking Japanese with them.

I think this is the overall problem I feel in daily life. Every damn little thing I do makes me feel judged. Part of this is due to my own character flaws, but another large part of this is what seems to me to be an inability of Japanese people to consider diverse opinions and ways of thinking.

I guess all I can do is keep chipping away.

At least through all of this I could truly understand in the core of my being that Marina thinks differently than the majority of Japanese people ….. and that is something I will be forever grateful for.